THE FOLLOWING IS BASED ON A TRUE STORY.  THE NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED TO PROTECT THE INNOCENT AND THEIR REPUTATION.
    Once upon a time a senior at Milford High School (whom we’ll call Dan) took pottery class.  Being sexually frustrated and having access to the proper material this young man decided to create a device in which to attract an eager teenage girl.  Having a few friends with similar problems and access to a vehicle, Dan decided to design a FEMALE RADAR ATTRACTION/AROUSAL HOOD ORNAMENT and put it on the purple Volvo his friend (whom we will call Billy Bob) owned.
    That Friday night when he was hanging around WALMART, Dan unveiled his special hood ornament to his friends Billy Bob, Franky, and Wilbert who exploded in laughter at the device and Dan’s intent.  After laughing for over 10 minutes straight, Dan got out and put the large phallic object on the hood of the car.  He then proposed that they drive to a local shopping plaza to test out the device (see if they got any chicks).  So hysterically laughing all the while they began to drive.
    At first we were afraid that the MIGHTY  FEMALE RADAR ATTRACTION/AROUSAL HOOD ORNAMENT might fall off, but to the satisfaction of the designer it survived their initial test.  They slowed to a stop at a red light and because it was a two lane street, they watched with hope that the people in the car beside would notice their unit (snicker, snicker).  Sure enough (although disappointing) a middle-aged MAN glanced over and began (as far as they could see) to hysterically laugh at their glorious protrusion which caused them to go into yet another fit of laughter.
    They then decided to pull into the local shopping plaza and take the FEMALE RADAR ATTRACTION/AROUSAL HOOD ORNAMENT off the hood of the car.  They drove behind the plaza and were surprised to find Sue and her sister Mary hanging out behind the record store.  Dan was EXTREMELY EXCITED because he finally had subjects to try his device out on.  Sue and Mary looked at their car and then looked them like they had completely lost their minds.  They started to talk with the guys (to find out just what substance they MUST have been on to think of something like this), but didn’t seem very attracted or aroused by the special hood ornament.  In fact they seemed turned off by the whole thing and wanted them to go away.  Dan was EXTREMELY BUMMED by this turn of events and decided that the object must be destroyed at all costs.  So he then pummeled the object until it was a shapeless mass of clay.
    That night they saw the last of Dan’s device but it’s been rumored that a second device (THE FEMALE RADAR ATTRACTION/AROUSAL DEVICE MARK II) was deployed several months later with the same disappointing result.