The Man: Salutations and welcome to our fireside chat with william ryan baker of the chart topping rock band beefcake messiah. Welcome william (may i call you bill?) and thanks for coming down to our studios.

Bacos: Yah your f*ckin' welcome, man. and call me Bacos, I don't want any of that William or Bill sh*t!

The Man: As the principle song writer and leader of the band you appear to have taken a "billy corgan" approach to running the organization, referring to your group as tyrannical collective of slaves who must "kiss your feet to remain in my favor" if you may. Why have you chosen this methodology, and how do the other members relate to your postulations?

Bacos: Fuck this! I'm leaving! (gets up to go)

The Man: I didn't mean to ring you like that. Sorry... I'll be more orthodox from now on. Could you tell us a little about your background? What experiences have made you into your current incantation?

Bacos: Well basically it all has to do with the species of worm that runs around. I think that if we all were to experience some sort of death or palp or perhaps a nice day we would all be better oo while jumping. I go to school in boston so that means I'm becoming really anal but I'm learning alot from the crack heads, the smack smackers and the whores that love them. But that is life.it is necessary for everyone and their hamster to experience everything they can and we all grow and change. Like driving I'm getting alot better. HEY I"LL SHOW YOU: (moves his right hand like hes gripping a steering wheel) RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!! "Get out of my way!" (gives some imaginary pedestrian the finger) BOOM! RRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! BOOM!! YOU MORON GET OUT OF MY WAY. (gives an imaginary pedestrian the finger again)

The Man: You seem to draw much of your energy on this "cow-mongral" concept. Would you care to explain why you choose this source of omnipotence to "keep you able to DO IT all the time," and what direction this is sending you.

Bacos: Just don't drink the queen moothers milk if you are not the son of Uttor! I TELL YOU! WOW! OOH!

The Man: I see. And this brings to something else. A rumor is gassing around that you are getting married. Who is this lucky guy or gal, how can they stand your dependence on vulgarity and cow analogies, and when is the date. Also, do you plan on continuing with the band once you "tie your knot (I hope it doesn't hurt)".

Bacos: I don't really think my personal/romantic life should have anything to do with this interview. It's none of your business. But I will say this: sometimes I use vulgar concepts on occasion (I'll explain why later) but I don't have even a smidgence of dependency on the concept. When I were to be with someone special vulgarity is out for good but my creative side still runs wild if that's what your asking. Sometimes I used to string a line of "gross" sounding words together to form a disgusting image or concept. I don't picture it myself I just use it because I am curious to see what sort of reaction normal people have. Words have alot of power over people. Shock value. Such as the character of Czar Boog. He's this big fat frog guy who demands oral sex ALL the time, so much so that it's funny The character is a satire on every tyrant, politician, dictator or emperor that has roamed the planet. In expense a tyrant demands the country suck his dick (in the form of loyalty, love, taxes, death in war, and anything else the tyrant dreams up) at all times. But I'm still trying to think of some other obsession for the frog in case we try to market the product to kids (if we make a kiddified version for the computer game).

The Man: You're producing a computer game?

Bacos: Well as of yet, No. I can't find anyone to do it. Further more I don't know how to get someone to do it. Still further I haven't really asked many people. But I would like to. It's been part of my dream for a longtime. Basically I wanted to release the Spacecow rockopera as a double CD-ROM/enhanced CD. Complete with all the music, bios, live performances, videos, interviews, and LOTS OF COMPUTER GAMES BASED AROUND THE CONCEPT. Basically I wanted a sort of silly cartoony game like Lucasarts' Sam & Max mixed with the adventure of Sunsoft's Space Quest series. I also wanted offshoot bonus games that had nothing to do with spacecow and more to do with the band. Like a tour of our practice rooms, high school, studios and live performances But to make it more fun add elements of games like Doom and Duke Nukem' 3D. Stuff like that.

The Man: Now let's get back to the heart of the matter... The music. I notice that your cow analogies and anecdotes have been manifested in the Space Cow Epic. Would you care to discuss this work in progress, and comment on what direction the story is heading?

Bacos: Well the Space Cow Epic has many different elements and dimensions to it. That's why I'm working on a web page that will explain it all. It's mylife's dream. SpaceCow is like a Parody and a mixture of movies I grew up with. Themes and plays on moovies Like the Star Wars saga, Dune and Alien can all be found in the spacecow story. Star Wars had a huge impact on me growing up. I still have all the figures that grandma used to buy me every time she visited. I would act out my own little drama's with the figures and watch those movies whenever and wherever they were shown. My favorite character is Boba Fett and I think Carrie Fisher was pretty hot in those days. It's amazing the things you think of as a small child.

The Man: Yeah man, when her hair is wrapped up in that spiral thing and she's talkin dirty... i just want to... um anyway. How far has this story progressed and what real life examples are you incorporating into the story.

Bacos: As far as the story goes. We have just started to musically cover the second act. We have about 6 or 7 songs in the first act. But we will probably flesh it out and change things sometime in the future. I haven't decided if it's going to be 3 or 4 acts it will just happen as it happens. I've started to incorporate many themes from places like the bible and universal religion which most of the band really doesn't know about (because they don't read the bible).

The Man: Don't you think that will draw the wrath of the pope and scientology deciples?

Bacos: No I don't think so. The bible has alot of great STORIES and concepts so I don't think it would offend them any more than anything else I've done.

The Man: You perform some interesting feets on your bass. Would you care to discuss your technique? And what sorts of things do you use for equipment?

Bacos: I really don't think I'm very good at all. But I do have an amazing teacher, his name is Jim Stinnett and it's a strange coincidence but he also taught Mike Gordin from PHISH. As far as equipment I don't have any. It's someone elses. In fact I don't really "play" any of the bass lines on our records, there all designed and engineered by our stupid keyboard player who often likes to piss off Aaron. Basically because I lost my fingers in a dog fight. Boot ooh wooll.

The Man: That was a cheap shot to your keyboard player. Does...

Guy who plays keyboard: What the fuck is your problem, you stupid.... man. You're only trying to cover up the fact that... umphhh (security finally gets a hold on him and totes him off)....

The man: Sorry to interrupt you. What's wrong with that angst ridden freak??? and why does he keep stepping on his fingers? Anyway... Do your pretzels play a part in any of your compositions?

Bacos: Only when I perform them.

The Man: Describe this process.

Bacos: I can't: seeing is believing.

The Man: And the fruits bear it how?

Bacos: Basically in this context. The interior of the floor mops the wrong way. By balancing a large boston creme donut on top of the balance beam I create a subliminal vortex which when applied diseases the fonts relying on the footprint.

The Man: I see. So what you're implying is that with this vortex, you are capable of traveling to a parallel universe, where all these cows and things exist. Sorry, let me correct myself. Where things beings transcend (or retrogress to. I wouldn't know...) a 3 dimensional state where particles coalesce to form palatable bodies that you can do things to... Why don't they exist? I'll tell if you ooomph... sorry. Because in their regulatory state, let's call it turpitude (because that's how i'd feel... i think), these beings do not exist in the 3 dimensions we are so used to. In fact, they have evolved to a state involving 5 dimensions allowing them to span time and the 5th sense as well as what we know as reality (really, they're just covering up for the fact that they were too fat to exist in 3 dimensions. They became immobile. This was luckily remedied by #$9FHr (rough translation) with her transdimensional birth device (tbd) that allowed future generations to be born in the 4th and 5th dimensions as well... But i'm dodging the gauze. You see, by traveling to this universe, you are causing an alias of each being to be formed in the 3 dimensional world that you can exist in. But it strikes me as.. OOOPH... ARGGHHH. OI OI OI ... ding. FUCKIn SHI>Tsd..........

Salomon: What kind of groceries please you the most?

Bacos: I don't use groceries in masturbation.

Salomon: What's next for the band?

Bacos: Right Now we are getting ready to put out our First album, no title yet and then I hope to sell it and go on the road (for a week maybe). Then it's spacecow spacecow spacecow until the fucking things done.